下面这篇文章是……的一部分 an assignment in an 上学校 英语 class where students did a close reading of the novel 紧张的状况 by Zimbabwean author Tsitsi Dangarembga and wrote a personal self-to-text-reflection. – 李马库斯，美国英语学院]

---

在保利大学做交换生

作者:姚奕森，《十大网堵平台》特约撰稿人 多边形

You might assume that you live in one world and have one life, 至少现在是这样, 多元宇宙似乎是一个陌生的、不太可能的假设. 然而, many of us truly do live in multiple worlds within ourselves. For instance, as teenagers, we often think and act differently with our friends than with our family. On a surface level, this is what it means to live in a mental multiverse. 然而, what is it like to live in two worlds that are constantly in conflict? This is the situation in 哪一个 Tambu, the teenage protagonist of 紧张的状况，我，一个华裔美国学生，发现我们自己.

In 紧张的状况, a semi-autobiographical novel written by Tsitsi Dangarembga, 九年级英语学生今年读的书, many characters seem stuck between worlds in one way or another. Perhaps this is not surprising since the book was set in colonial Zimbabwe, where British control caused numerous societal problems and imbalances. 不幸的是, 许多当地人陷入贫困, while only a selective few received formal education from the British. 坦布是其中一个幸运儿. 然而,, she struggled to coexist in her contradicting universes: that of her homestead and that of the wealthier mission school. 的 contradictions between these “worlds” posed seemingly impossible questions for Tambu: Who am I, 我究竟属于哪个世界? 在她的成长过程中, Tambu hunted for an answer while being forced to assimilate to one side or the other. 在小说的结尾, 受她表姐的影响, Nyasha, Tambu realizes that education won’t necessarily lead to wealth or happiness and could even brainwash her. 逐渐, 对新的西方世界的怀疑和厌恶与日俱增, 坦布变得困惑和迷失方向.

It’s easy to dismiss Tambu’s struggles as specific to her and her fellow African peers. 紧张的状况 is such an impactful novel because Tambu’s story is truly universal and timeless. Millions of people worldwide suffer from the same 问题s as Tambu, 在不同的文化和意识形态之间分裂.

坦布的故事深深打动了我. Not only because of the tragedies that happened to various women, 不仅仅是因为坦布令人激动的学术之旅, 但也因为我们共有的内部冲突. 作为一个在美国学习的中国学生, 我经常发现自己夹在两个世界之间:中国, 我的祖国, 和美国.S.我的教育，我的未来. 在坦布，我清晰地看到了自己的影子. 我对坦布的精神挣扎感同身受, 知道我, 以及其他许多人, 经历过同样的事情.

的re are several moments in the novel that I particularly correlate to. 最明显的是, Tambu’s initial parting with her family induced me to reflect on my own experience of leaving a place where I have spent my whole life. 我出生在福州，中国的一个小城市. 因为我父母很富裕, I received a decent education in an international school and got what I wanted most of the time. 然而, 在中国, the common assumption is that better education and life lie abroad, 有更多成功的机会. 在坦布的社会里, Babamukuru也有类似的观点, incessantly promoting that Western education would make people better somehow. Indeed, many people in developing countries see the developed, Western world as superior to theirs. 但这是真的吗? I often pondered this question and found the answer to be a no. Still, I was quite attracted by the idea of going abroad at the time. Anyways, many of the wealthy adults close to my family sent their children to Western countries. Eventually, my parents would put themselves into this category. In 7th grade, I decided — or rather my parents decided for me — to attend school in the US.

简单地说，这是一个大胆的决定. We left behind a lot: our home, our family, and our culture, among lots of other things. 报酬是什么? 老实说，我不知道. 对我来说，美国代表着光明的未来. I wrote down countless hopes and aspirations on my wishlist: friends, 网球, 自由, 常春藤盟校, 大的薪水, 大房子, 然而，生活很美好。, 没有一个得到保证. 除了, the decision meant leaving behind my beloved hometown and entering a world I had barely been to before. 的re was also the question of ideology: I needed to adapt to the Western way of living and thinking, 哪一个, 我后来意识到, 和其他人一样有很多问题吗. It is safe to say that my two worlds commenced a battle in my head the moment we finalized our decision to move here.

战斗从未结束. 我完全被困在这两个世界之间. On the one hand, I have enjoyed life, and my goals are mostly on track. 没有什么真正的问题. 然而, there are still a lot of moments when I doubt whether I should be here and where I belong, 特别是在高度紧张的时期.

“On the one hand, my national and cultural pride plunged, and I was content to be in the U.S. On the other hand, I began to think that I did not belong here.”

例如，COVID大流行让我感到不安. 的 fact that my home country and the rest of my family were under such a severe threat reduced me to tears. 除了, 我被一种强烈的负罪感淹没了, the feeling that I was betraying my country and escaping danger. My heart was torn between sympathy for China and appreciation for the place I lived in. 然而，我的烦恼并没有就此结束. Rumors about the virus spread like wildfire at the start of the pandemic. 一个主要的原因是中国从实验室泄露了病毒. 的refore, the coronavirus was often referred to as the “Wuhan virus” or “Chinese virus.这个谣言给了我沉重的打击, as it did to countless Chinese people who loved their home country. 我们很愤怒，但无能为力. Discrimination against Chinese people, even within the Asian community, increased drastically. 虽然我从未亲身经历过, 我听过无数反华歧视的故事, 从无意的指控到明确的仇恨犯罪. 这动摇了我的认同感. On the one hand, my national and cultural pride plunged, and I was content to be in the U.S. On the other hand, I began to think that I did not belong here.

和坦布一样，我选择了中庸之道. It is the least-trodden path, filled with obstacles and challenges. 然而, Tambu and I decided on this path because of our common indecision. 精神上, 我们都无法选边站, primarily because of the various contradictions between our respective two worlds. We endured the constant warfare, literally and figuratively, between our two worlds.

注意: 本文最初发表于 的 多边形’s 2022年5月/ 6月 问题.